mandalei

Jack has been sleeping today. Not just here and there, but

all day

and I am hoping this doesn’t mean his days and nights are switched now! I am also hoping that allt his sleep isn’t a signal of something not-quite right.

I am finding this whole mother business to be so all consuming that I have a hard time feeling all lovey-dovey about the little guy. Of course, come between me and him without a darned good reason, and I would probably tear your throat out like a wolf or something, so I guess that counts as love, of a sort. I have always heard people say that this is the hardest thing they have ever done, and yeah, I think it is. I feel helpless alot, because I don’t know exactly how to fix why he’s crying. I feel helpless that I don’t know what “normal” is, and so am not sure if today’s non-stop sleeping after the last two days of being awake is a sign of something wrong (and now I can’t help but ask Ben every other hour “does he feel hot to you?”). It was so much easier when he was enwombed–I knew he was OK in there, and out here, well, now he’s on his own in terms of body self-regulation and there’s not a damned thing i can do about it besides guage how many clothes and blankets he’s got on.

How many clues am I missing? When does the deus ex machina tellme that “yes, really, things are OK so shut up and enjoy his wee body as long as it stays wee”. I’d settle for the d.e.m. to tellme that his red butt isnt a rash, but is rather form him sleeping semi-upright all the time, since that seems to be the most comfortable.

Dad says all this concern and worry makes me one step away from turning Republican. If that is really the case, that’s the best argument i’ve had so far aboutletting go and relaxing!!

The Little Guy is 17 days old today, and it feels like he’s been around forever! That’s a good thing, promise. He has had some minor health issues (jaundice, hypospadia, and a minor dilation of the left kidney), and after a pretty easy pregnancy and easy time of getting doctor’s appointments and stuff, I am finding these post-birth days to be rather frustrating. We’re supposed to get him to see our new pediatrician ASAP, and the earliest apppointment is July 17. We’re supposed to get him to a pediatric urologist, and the earliest appointment is August 8. As a new mom, I am trying very hard not to be A) worried about his health all the time and B) angry about having wait weeks and months for appointments to find out if he’s all the way OK or not.
But let me talk about some of the good things: he’s gaining weight and eating well, he’s sleeping longer stretches (2 rather than 3 hours) and he’s absolutely adorable. He’s got what is looking to be a really good personality, and i don’t even now how to decribe how much i love the little guy!