Why is it that I don’t feel the need to put makeup on and look nice every day, but when it comes to going out to hang with other moms in the neighborhood at a playdate, I get all dolled up? In an understated way, of course. I feel a little nervous, of the variety of going on a blind date or going to school for the first time. Will they like me? Will they like my boy? Will I make friends? Having just moved, making friends is kind of important, since I thikn the adults in the family are feeling pretty lonely.
In any case, I have two play dates to go to today–both happening at the same time, naturally. The first is at my neighbor’s house, and I like her alot. The moms are a little older than I am, though, and their kids are also a little older. It’s pretty much the suburban lifestyle, with lots of Talbot’s coordinates and manicures and coifed hair. The first time I went (and only time thus far, so maybe I need to give things more of a fair shake) I felt naked without my engagement and wedding rings on–like I needed them to be admitted to the club.
The second play date, the moms are more in my age range, and it’s definitely more urban lifestyle-like; many of them use cloth diapers, all have baby slings of several varieties, and can talk at length about politically charged topics, such approved car seats, like letting the kid cry at bed and nap times and what organic baby food is the best.
This is where my feelings about being inadequate and a semi-practicing “alpha” mom really come to the forefront. Why do I care? Why don’t I just relax and love my boys and have a good time, without feeling like I am on a platform to be reviewed? Granted, I am pretty sure I am the largest person there in terms of weight, which always makes me feel nervous, but gosh darn it, who cares besides me? The thing is, I know that societally, lager people are seen as less successful and I am nothing if not a little competitive. Sometimes I wish I had a compartment in my brain where I could just stuff thoughts in so I would stop thinking about things.
Excuse me, I need to go put on my lip gloss.